eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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