Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
