that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think your dad took our porno
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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