SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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