i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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