This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
