your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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