jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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