She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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