I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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