i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
