I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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