how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
