I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
