UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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