youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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