I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
