do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
