Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
