Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
