Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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