I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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