my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
