It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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