it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
