she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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