its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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