That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
