And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
