if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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