I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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