We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
not ubering you a puppy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
