matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The struggles of a small town man whore
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
