Pants 0. Shit 1.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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