there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
