Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room