What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
