I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
