hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
