why didn't you poke me back
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
