No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
