then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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