I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
