she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
