Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
