I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
