Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
