Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
