she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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