Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
