you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
