Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
