I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize