So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
