He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
