yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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